Authorly Admissions

The past month has been a whirlwind of writing and deadlines and interviews and back-to-school madness.  The good news is that I have been cranking out articles and getting paid to write.  The bad news is that I am not getting to spend nearly enough time working on the book.  I am still trying to find that ever-elusive "balance" that I hear so much about.  I am beginning to doubt its existence.  I believe that it is more likely that we teeter back and forth, vacillating between neglect and obsession, for all eternity.

Okay, perhaps that is a bit melodramatic, but I am feeling a touch dramatic at the moment.  Geez, this would be a good time to be working on the book...channel the drama into something productive.

I am taking some time off from my day job later this week, and I am hopeful that I will get some work done on the novel.  If you catch me online, feel free to scold me and send me back to work.

Here are some things I have learned this past month:

1. You cannot please everyone all the time...especially not yourself.
2. When you have no time to write, the ideas will come fast and furious.
3. At some point, every writer will write something simply for the money.  Kids have to be fed and bills need to get paid.  There is no shame in this, but don't let the money make you forget the things you actually want to write.
4. Sometimes you will have to burn the midnight oil...but when you realize that you are the one getting burned out it is time to turn off the lights and go on to bed.
5. When all else fails, turn off the computer and go outside, then take off your shoes, walk barefoot in the grass, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. 
6. And this quote, that I stumbled upon and which rang so true that it nearly brought tears to my eyes (which, to honest, isn't some great feat...I have been known to cry at certain Simpson's episodes, a particular poignant LifeSaver commercial, and a fair number of Doctor Who episodes).  At any rate, for what it is worth:

I have had to take a few walks this week, and more than a few deep breaths.  But I am still here.  Still writing.  Still holding out hope that this story that haunts me will find its way to people that will embrace it, and dog ear the pages, and copy out a line or two that means something to them.

Art Doesn't Come Cheap

Today has been a day full of juggling.  I have juggled schedules and budgets and my mental focus to accommodate the giant back-to-school beast that is looming a month away, as well as other life-stuff and, frankly, it is making me cranky. 

I feel like every moment is being sucked away, and that it is being squandered.  You see, I do not have set writing time.  I have a "write at stoplights" kind of life.  I have been known to scribble on the back of an envelope while in an elevator.  I have texted myself ideas and lines of dialogue so I don't forget them.  I have written on my arm when paper was scarce.  Because ideas are precious, and they cannot be taken lightly. 

Writing (or Art of any kind, really) comes at a steep price.  I am not talking about the price that the consumer pays for the product, but the price that we as artists must pay in order to create Art. 


"Big Heart of Art" from qthomasbower on Flickr


At the moment, as my eye twitches a bit spasmodically, I am realizing just how much sleep I have been deprived of lately.  I have also been forced to say, "Hang on, sweetie.  Mommy is almost finished with this article" a few more times that I would like as of late. 

We pay in time, in lost opportunities, lost lunches, lost sleep, and lost sanity as we try to bring to life this thing that we can imagine so clearly in our mind.  It is all of these lost bits that help to give Art its value; the value grows exponentially with all the blood and sweat and tears.   

To all those people who claim, "You know, I could write a book" and to those who tear apart a work that encompassed four years of late nights and missed moments and peanut butter sandwiches...I wish to offer you a challenge:  If you really think you could do it, or do it better, but all means:  DO IT! 

But don't try to devalue our Art with your pettiness.

 

The Painful Side Effects of Writing

Let me preface this by saying that I do not mean to Method Write.  For those not familiar with the term, it is taken from the idea of "method acting."  Basically, the writer uses various techniques to create in themselves in themself the thoughts and emotions of their characters in order to write more lifelike scenes.  Again, I did not mean to do this...

But I realized recently that, while my character was coping with rationed food, I had unintentionally dropped ten pounds.  What the heck?!  Ten pounds in two weeks.  Seriously.

Then last night, after writing some serious abandonment scenes for a character of mine, I ended up having a series of increasingly disturbing dreams centered around abandonment.  Go figure.  I recently read someone-or-other said something-or-other about Make it worse for your characters because it will show the reader what they are made of.  So, I have been busy making it worse. 

I guess that my subconscious picked up on that and decided to make my dreams get worse and worse all night long. Thank goodness for my cat, who woke me up with an awkward poke as if to say, "There, there, human...you can shut up now."

Imagine this without the creepy horse head, and with the dreamer having short red hair,
and a big black cat on my chest instead of an incubus...well, you get the idea.

Maybe it is "Character Karma."  (I don't think so, since I just made it up.)  But what if all the bad things I do to my characters will be revisited on me...?  Okay, I am not going there.  Even the thought of that freaks me out.

Ahem, where was I?

Oh, right...so, I am ten pounds lighter, I am sleep deprived, and my cat thinks I am a nut case.  I do, however, have nearly 50,000 words to show for my efforts, and I am pushing 300 pages!  I am in the home stretch.  (Knocking on wood.)

I have two beta readers reading now, and another beta reader in the wings waiting for me to finish before she starts reading (this will allow me to have staggered feedback and, hopefully, keep the progress moving).  In case I have not mentioned it lately, I love my beta readers and I can't wait to get more feedback.

In the meantime, I might stock up on Ambien...and vegan chocolate...and really good bread...to help counter these painful side effects of writing.